went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
