i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
