Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
