..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
