Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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