Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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