My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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