i think my tv is drunk
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
