I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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