your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
