no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
