Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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