The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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