Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I deserve this hangover.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
