and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
