He is an equal opportunity slut.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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