lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
