Your dad touched me again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
