Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
