I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
