I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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