Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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