Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
