If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
