im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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