He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
