Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
