I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I understand Curling. That high.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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