Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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