We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
