the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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