Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm bleeding and have questions
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
