I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
