I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
