I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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