I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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