I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
