I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
