It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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