haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
