Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
