I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
