1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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