You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
