so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
