My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
