I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
