Fine. I'll sleep in my office
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
