note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
