I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is my gift to your gina
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
