I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
