I must be too annoying 4 u.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
