Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
