I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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