census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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