8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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