my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
